truth is:

it's time for a true confession.

I have never felt love, true, real, pure love will ever happen to me.

i hate to admit the sad truth. maybe that's why i secretly sabotage anything close to me. maybe that's why i mock it. maybe that's why i hold the body pillow while i sleep and not an actual body.

i read about it. i hear about it. i watch about it. but i don't feel it.
money seems easier to obtain than love.
i can put together a plan-- put in TRUE effort and with X amount of effort i can get X amount of dollars. love doesn't work that way. can't make someone love you because you put in the effort.

money is linear. money is real. money is obtainable.
truth is: i have more money than love. and i don't have much money.