dog or vespa? hmmm...

seems like the friends who didn't: get married, have kids and settle for $35K/yr, are finding themselves.

it's inspiring actually. quit the mediocre job, quit the unhappy life, get a dog (or a vespa) and move! 

it's good to know there are still a few people out there who, also, refuse to settle.

LIFE. CAMERA. ACTION.

we are the main character in our own movie.

the ironic thing is that the main character never understands why. they don't see it coming. they don't see just how screwed up they are.

and yet, the audience can see it from a mile away. they can see it coming. they know just where to place the blame. and no matter how loud the audience yells at the screen; the character will never hear them.

its a revelation that cannot be told to the character. though we try to tell other's their faults, guide them or rescue them, it will never be understood, received well or gratified.

why?

because we are the main character in our own movie. and it's my movie.

inner monologue exposed: coffee pot & mug

its been two weeks. two weeks without coffee. two freakin weeks. the coffee pot already has mold inside of it. wtf. 


i'm not mad about the mold. 
well, maybe. 


just made me think of the amount of weeks i would go without cleaning my coffee mug. 
it's a starbucks mug. $20 coffee mug. bought it cause it looked cool.
not dishwasher safe. wtf.


i washed it in the dishwasher for the first time last week. 


wonder if it will still keep coffee warm for two days straight without being opened. 
still looks freakin cool. 

Live without regard

I may not always have it figured out.
I may wake up too late and just throw my hair in a bun, wipe the sleeps from my eyes and come into the office.
I may yearn for something but don't know what.
I may feed my boredom with food at times.
I may use a large pillow to simulate another soul laying next to me.
I may forget to brush my teeth on day's I've spent hours getting ready.
I may blow on my coffee for an insufficient amount of time before burning the shit out of my mouth.
I may blow on my coffee for an exaggerated and borderline inappropriate amount of time before taking the tiniest sip of my coffee.
I may not always have it figured out.
I may have some off-the-wall ideas.
I may disregard your discern for those same ideas.
I may try.
I may fail.
I may savor.
I may not always have it figured out.
I may risk.
I may reward.
I may learn.
I may love.
I may learn.
I may not always have it figured out.
I may fuck up.
I may suck up.
I may be brutally honest.
I may watch.
I may dance.
I may cry.
I may cry while dancing.
I may laugh.
I may not always have it figured out.
but I will always live with out regard.

Fame & Fortune

When I was younger I was often asked, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" The answer would vary form week to week. I could never pin one down. But I have always known I wanted to be famous. Now, I associated fame with a talent, be it acting, signing, dancing or otherwise. It was not for a lack of trying... I have tried them all, but sadly I never found my niche.

So after years of trial and significant error, I choose the career that involved the one thing I always enjoyed: commercials. Ah, the marketing and advertising world. Not very glamorous but it does entertain me and I do find joy in it.

At 25 I have found my realistic-dream job, for my age, education and physical presences on the map. On the drive in today the thought of red carpets, flashing lights, fancy dresses, awards, big houses, endless swimming pools and expensive cars flooded my mind.

My analytical self stepped in at this point. What was it that I was really wanting. Was it the fame? Was it the money? Was it just more exciting than my morning commute? Would I be happier--we don't even have to answer this question. How about satisfied?

To be honest I still want to be famous and something I realized is now there are celebs who are famous for no reason at all. They are famous for being themselves.

Its genius: Be famous for being me! Work on being famous for being me and be open to getting everything I ever wanted.

"Seek fame, because the fortune will come" -- be the best at what you are and those who recognize your talents will pay you for them.

Jonesing for fall.

The apples are delicious. The weather is simply amazing. The colors are brilliant. The fashions are inviting and the loom of the holiday's is surprisingly enticing. (I know I'm shocked too...)

All I need is comfy sweater, classic pair of black leggings, ankle boots, a scarf, a protein hot cocoa drink (to replace my starbucks mocha, which are very tasty--think swiss miss) a fire place, a fine looking man and an animal.... *BLISS*

As I went to get groceries today; a rather mundane task to some but to me it is a constant reminder of how much TERRIBLE food I still crave. As I was checking out I rather impromptu-itively bought a Real Simple magazine. Its full of delicious recepies, fantastic fall decorating ideas and simple fashion for those women who can only manage simple fashions. I didn't buy the magazine for the fashion section... but rather the cover. Weird. I know. As I drove home I could help but ask myself "Why am I so nesty?" No worries, I'm not prego-- but weird how fall has got me all ready to prepare for winter.

Perhaps preparing for winter could be a little more fun if you have someone to spend winter with. Sorry, folks no official details yet... But let's just say.... I MIGHT have someone to hold me tight during those long winter nights.... ;)

Survey Monkey SAYS....

It has recently come to my attention that I have never received a gift from a man. I happened on a survey for a Men's magazine and one of the questions went a little like this:

9. I would rather have my guy surprise me with...
-My Favorite Flowers
-Chocolates
-Diamonds
-Something he made
-Floor seats to a Lakers game

Now I'm a very decisive person, you already know. So I thought back on each option: when did I receive it, how much was I impressed, who gave it to me and where was I when I received it.

Then it dawned on me the last gift I was given by a man was my 8th grade boyfriend. He (aka his mom) gave me a $5 Wal-Mart watch, a peach candle and a peach colored loofah, and that present was neither listed above nor impressed me (even at the 8th grade level).

So I guess my true answer is simply: Get me a man, then Surprise me! But instead I just answered My Favorite Flowers...

porch blog #1:

its late. i know this.
don't judge me.

im enjoying the summer's eve.
outside. relaxing.
after a night that could have been SO much more.

lessons learned this Friday evening:
*even when you call a delicious looking man as yours... he still is not yours.
*no matter how hard you try to convince your friends to "let loose"... the decision to "let loose" is still at their discretion.
*a flask will only carry you so far.
*Life is still being lived, every day we exists.
*a PORCH is what was missing from last summer...
* the winds of change never blow in the same direction.

Good night and good luck.

sunday afternoon thughts...

i'm in the strangest mood today. pissed, yet complacent, lazy yet on the ball.

i have made the announcement official by telling family members my new plans to move to omaha. i am excited but not lost in the cloud of excitement. i need to find a job, a place to live and at the same time, finish the semester out-- classes and the AMA. As well as keep on top of the Big O! Fashion Show. so much to do and time doesn't seem to want to collaborate.

Over due Post: Final Notice

My sincerest apologies for the delay in posts. I have been quite busy since the last word was typed. So here is an agenda for the topics to be discussed today:

1. apartment, update
2. love department
3. career moves
4. higher education
5. love/depression for rain
6. tan lines
7. SPRING is SPRINGING!
8. photo opp
9. jet lagged
... lets begin...

1. Apartment, updated: Today marks the official two month mark for leaving the nest. Still very organized (of course), clean (double of course) and empty fridge syndrome. Yes, a struggling college student can have a very sweet apartment and yet still have a very empty fridge. I do have all the condiments tho-- don't you worry, all name brand as well-- because those taste the best, duh.

Thus far I have killed three (yes, 3) fish. Harold lived 2 days, Hinkley made it just past the 24 hr mark and Lucky Bastard (who didn't turn out to be so lucky) lived a measly 17 hrs. The Fish Store (from whom I purchased all three fish) thinks I'm a crazed Fantail Goldfish killer. Please don't suggest I get a Beta, because not only will you be the um-teenth person to suggest it but it will be the um-teenth time I have told someone I HATE Betas (and no, I don't think they are pretty...)!

2. Love Department: The date with Love Library did land a second date but I stopped returning calls after that. It was a mad scientist I was not mad for. However, a prior intrigue (those may remember the fling around New Years) suddenly flooded my thoughts. He had been out of town for training for the last two months and curiosity struck if might be back. A friendly text turned into a returned friendly call that turned into a few more friendly call/texts, turned an intrigue into a boyfriend. Yesterday was the oh-so-coveted three week point. He has two children and an ex-wife but he is a great father, a respectful man, and a good human being. His judgment is level headed, his way with money is conservative and views of marriage, family and lifestyle match mine. I am being cautious with my heart and honest with my feelings. My fear is not of falling in love but of failing to see it coming (this might be the one occasion I don't appreciate a surprise). But of course this is just the third week of the relationship, we have a lot of "getting to know you" done. (it works best if you sing the "getting to know you"...)

3. Career Moves: I have spoken with a few members of the Lincoln Arts Council. They will be taking my nomination to the May meeting for executive board member. I would be the youngest on the board but that's exactly what they are looking for. I have a lot of what they are looking for and they can give me some good connections/networking opportunities as well. I have really good feelings about this one. :)

4. Higher Education: It is the end of dead week which means finals week is only two days away. I am lucky (?) enough to have my only paper, final exam (essay), and quiz on Monday. YAY, me. AND when finals are done... SUMMER school. You should be jealous...

5. Love & depression for rain: Rain is great but a full seven days of it can make a girl depressed. And that's exactly what happened. The last 48 hrs contained a lot of crying. But the bestest friend in the world made me cupcakes. The world is a much better place with cupcakes- yellow cake with chocolate frosting cupcakes. Its amazing what booze, best friends, cupcakes and perhaps a little sunshine can do.

6. Tan lines: Speaking of sun! Prior to all this damn rain was some very hot-n-sunny days. I have found my weekend spot for tanning over the summer (forget tanning beds, gross). The campus fountains- if its too hot, just take a dip and keep that tan up. The only downer is some major tan lines. Tank tops, bra straps its a mess, but I will cope some how. :)

7. SPRING is SPRINGING: Today is May 1st. weird. Its hard to believe the date, and hard to believe the trees have leaves BUT it is and they do! I'm loving it--

8. Photo Opp: I have sold my official third piece of work. The score: Art Show=2, Noyse=0, Zen's= 1. Time of display's Art Show=3 hrs. Noyse= 3 mo., Zen's= 1 mo.

9. Jet Lagged: Over the last two months I have traveled to Scottsdale AZ as well as the ever-crazy New Orleans LA (we should have just stayed on Bourbon street) and will be making the great voyage with Julia and Jenna to Oshkosh this month. Stay tuned for endless enjoyment that is my life...

air mattresses and red plastic cups of wine.

I’m sitting in the coho reflecting and decompressing from the tornadic weekend. Went up to Omaha to help a friend move and ended it all with the most random Monday ever.

The weekend involved: air mattresses(not comfortable), free hotel stay (much better than an air mattress), back to back trips to walmart (gross), learning how to count cards (they equal 0), frozen feet (burr!), check engine lights (really!?), cheap custom designer clothing (shut your mouth!), purchasing amazing art pieces for new apartment walls (check the budget twice for this one "i'll make it work..."), snow (damn it), diner style breakfast in a grocery store (stuck out like a person without gray hair), a shopping cart loaded with two liter store brand pop (no words), black markets (make money, money money!) , and one glass of bad resealing (out of a red plastic cup no less).

This may sound quite random. It is far more than that. Words cannot explain the journey. A weekend for the records.